I am going to try and commit to writing an adoption blog as I travel through this new experience. We would appreciate your prayers as you read through the blogs and your patience as I don't know how often or how complete they will be. Because we believe in the great work of our Lord, please share our story with others so that they may see His glory worked out in our actions. Let us start now in this journey.
Being naturally shy and not naturally inclined to share my pain, I ask for extra patience in writing as I hope to be vulnerable but also responsible. Nevertheless, here I am, weary and frustrated as I begin getting ready for this trip to Liberia again. Honestly, this time around is easier. Easier because I already did the hard work and stress for our last thwarted attempt. Now I will just pick up my bags and go. But, now that I have less "busy" details to keep me occupied I have more time for fear of what I cannot control. I've put my nose to the grindstone and, to mix my metaphors, crossed my t's and dotted my i's. These things have kept me hyper focused on my part; "I'm holding up the end of my bargain, God." Now those things are done. What do I do now but wait and worry and worry and worry.
And worry I have done all night long for the last four weeks. What do I say when I get there? How do I interact with kids I don't know? What is my responsibility? How do I convince government officials of a different country to be timely? Am I culturally prepared? Will my girls at home be ok? Am I safe? Do I have enough money? Why am I going alone? What do I tell people when they ask...? What do I do while I'm waiting? How much time do I get to spend with the kids? How do I get from place to place? Am I taking the right clothing? What if the clothes I'm taking for the kids don't fit?
What a powerful name it is.
The name of Jesus.
Until I started this journey, which is completely out of my comfort zone and cannot in any way be accomplished by a task-checker like me, I only understood that emotionally. Now, I have to put all of my being into that statement. I have to breathe in at night in the midst of my tossing anxiety that it is the name of Jesus that is in control. Wise mother that I have, told me many months ago that God loves these children more than I do- that I can stop trying to be God in their lives. My box checking opportunities are over (like it or not). Now, I release my need to save and be God and remember that Jesus has power. Jesus will bring me home to my girls. Jesus will work in the hearts of the government officials. Jesus will help my family bond. Jesus.
Join us as we step back and see what the name of Jesus will do. I have no guesses. Let's go find out!
No comments:
Post a Comment